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072214

So here I am, staying up late, writing about my feelings again for a tumblr post. Ahh… I hate this shit. I hope one day when I’ll look back on all this and read this I’ll be able to blurt out “what the fuck was wrong with me?” Because that’s how I’m feeling right now.
What. The. Fuck. Is wrong with me?

The mind is a terrible thing, and not just to waste. I’m thankful for my mind most days. It helped me overcome some stuff I may not have otherwise been able to. It steers me in a direction that is most of the time stable and can be a sturdy force in moments of weakness. Like it is for many others, though, it can be destructive. Here are some things I am fixating on lately…

Once, a friend of mine sent out an email to our friend group. In it were some questions about what each of us really and truly thought of the others. Many of my friends lamented that most of my behavior is seemingly not genuine- that I “act my way though life.” These comments hurt me then and haunt me now. I hold on to them. I feel deeply insecure by my behavior, what I say around others, and question my own sincerity.

These doubts have led me to sifting through each of my relationships. It fucking really fucking sucks to question shit like this. Why past friendships ended or people left my life, was it all my fault? Am I not worth keeping around anymore? Have I truly made amends to those I’ve hurt or will I get anymore time to? These things swirl around in my head. They make me sick and sad. I want to cry a lot lately. Loneliness is creeping in.

I see a lot of quotes around the Internet about loving oneself and inspirational, motivational anecdotes on self-confidence. I’m thankful that my mind is as strong as it is because most of the time it keeps these bad thoughts at bay… I worry that this will be at the expense of stifling my soul.

Who I think I am… Exciting, friendly, complex, intelligent, caring, talented, humorous, emotional, sarcastic. I am 50 shades. I’m the chameleon. I’m adaptable. Being the same way every moment of every day is absolutely boring and I doubt I could bring myself to do it if I tried.

Who others think I am… Inconsistent, crazy, false, flighty, annoying. I don’t know…I am all those things too. I am all things at once. I am what I am.

I am what I am.

What am I

I am what I am

nofreedomlove:

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Source

"Image Credit: Carol Rossetti

When Brazilian graphic designer Carol Rossetti began posting colorful illustrations of women and their stories to Facebook, she had no idea how popular they would become. 

Thousands of shares throughout the world later, the appeal of Rosetti’s work is clear. Much like the street art phenomenon Stop Telling Women To Smile, Rossetti’s empowering images are the kind you want to post on every street corner, as both a reminder and affirmation of women’s bodily autonomy. 

"It has always bothered me, the world’s attempts to control women’s bodies, behavior and identities," Rossetti told Mic via email. "It’s a kind of oppression so deeply entangled in our culture that most people don’t even see it’s there, and how cruel it can be."

Rossetti’s illustrations touch upon an impressive range of intersectional topics, including LGBTQ identity, body image, ageism, racism, sexism and ableism. Some characters are based on the experiences of friends or her own life, while others draw inspiration from the stories many women have shared across the Internet. 

"I see those situations I portray every day," she wrote. "I lived some of them myself."

Despite quickly garnering thousands of enthusiastic comments and shares on Facebook, the project started as something personal — so personal, in fact, that Rossetti is still figuring out what to call it. For now, the images reside in albums simply titled “WOMEN in english!" or "Mujeres en español!" which is fitting: Rossetti’s illustrations encompass a vast set of experiences that together create a powerful picture of both women’s identity and oppression.

One of the most interesting aspects of the project is the way it has struck such a global chord. Rossetti originally wrote the text of the illustrations in Portuguese, and then worked with an Australian woman to translate them to English. A group of Israeli feminists also took it upon themselves to create versions of the illustrations in Hebrew. Now, more people have reached out to Rossetti through Facebook and offered to translate her work into even more languages. Next on the docket? Spanish, Russian, German and Lithuanian.

It’s an inspiring show of global solidarity, but the message of Rossetti’s art is clear in any language. Above all, her images celebrate being true to oneself, respecting others and questioning what society tells us is acceptable or beautiful.

"I can’t change the world by myself," Rossetti said. "But I’d love to know that my work made people review their privileges and be more open to understanding and respecting one another."

From the site: All images courtesy Carol Rossetti and used with permission. You can find more illustrations, as well as more languages, on her Facebook page.

Unrequited

I would hold onto you because I couldn’t face my own loneliness
I couldn’t fix something myself
I needed the comfort after a long day
I wanted someone to talk to
Sometimes I may actually miss you 

But there was never a fire there
No passion to make me call you mine
I never wanted to hold you tightly
Or stand on the edge of the world and scream your name
You cried when it was over and I didn’t feel a thing

Despite those things I first mentioned, I know I don’t need you 
My life isn’t tied to yours
I don’t care about your heartbreak
I want you to be happy 
I want you to find someone else
Forget my selfish needs
Move on- you and me both
What I take away from the relationship is this; I now understand what it feels like to be on this side of the game
This is what unrequited love is


Freaks and Geeks (1999)

"

There’s an expression often said
When someone is irritating you,
“You’re getting under my skin.”
I guess if you looked up the word irritating,
I did,
You would find the synonyms “vexing,
Infuriating,
Irksome, painful to a body part.”
You are getting under my skin.
You are more than that,
Actually,
You are in my skin.
You are everywhere I go.
You are a part of me.
If I dusted my skin for fingerprints,
I would find yours
Everywhere.

You are
In my blood.
You rush through all my veins
Beating with my heart
From one chamber
Left, right.
Not “thun-thun” of a heartbeat
No, I hear
“Kiss-me, kiss-me, kiss-me.”
You are in every part of me.
When my skin opens up
I swear
It is you that comes running out
Not just blood.

You are
In my bones.
I used to think it was you
That caused me to stand up
In the morning.
Physically, it was my
Foot and leg bones
Working together.
I think that you are them.
You are my hand bones
A million little ones
In every motion
I make.
I am an echo of you.
You are in my bones.
You are in my blood.
You are in my skin.
I am you.
You are me.

God, I miss you.

"

- Irritating by starlate (via starlate)

Oh my god

(via jessicariley)

80slove:

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

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Karlie Kloss photographed by Sebastian Kim for the cover of Vogue Korea May 2014

-J

"La Couture Nature" Devon Aoki photographed by Satoshi Saïkusa for Vogue Paris 2000

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